Welcome to the Unemployed NHL Player Community Job Resource Center for the Fall ’12 term. If you are an active member of the National Hockey League Player’s Association who is under an NHL contract but who may be locked out of the league by ownership this fall, you’ve come to the right place. This is your unofficial job counseling center and community postings board. A lockout doesn’t mean you’ve been left out!
This site is for the players only. It is not for people who work within the sport and who rely on the sport for their livelihood but who don’t play–including those who work in concessions, customer service, box office, human resources, merchandise design, manufacturing, transport and sales, broadcasting, media (print. television, internet, etc), community outreach, scouting, ushers, security, parking lot attendants, ticket takers, Ice Girls, beer or hot dog guys, public address announcers, foundation employees, group sales reps, front office support staff, janitors, audio/visual people, marketing directors, assistants, and the tens of thousands of other support staff whose job titles don’t immediately come to mind but whose nightly efforts contribute to a $3.3 billion industry.
A separate job center site is already in place for them at www.craigslist.com.
Here at the Job Center we get bombarded by one question from the players more than any other: “What should I do with myself in the event of an NHL work stoppage?” This document is styled to address that question with the following suggestions:
Play in the Minors
Minor league owners would love to have you suit up. During the 2004-05 season, American Hockey League attendance spiked, exceeding 7.1 million fans. They’d never even come close to that before, and they certainly haven’t done that well since. So even an average NHL player is cash money in the minors. Be forewarned however, that your decision to play in the minors will be regarded as tacit support of ownership, since your participation will principally benefit owners and rob a younger player of not only a job but also crucial developmental experience. Besides, if you really wanted to play in the AHL or the ECHL, why aren’t you playing there now?
Enroll in a Phase I Clinical Trial
Phase I trials test the safety of drugs in humans, not the efficacy, so you don’t even have to be sick. Someone’s gotta be in these trials, or else all therapeutic advancement will grind to a halt. Several thousand mice ingest these investigational drugs first, then it’s our turn. Worst case scenario, you foam at the mouth or get explosive diarrhea and you’re home in an hour, $200 richer.
Pull a Barbara Ehrenreich
In Nickel And Dimed: On (Not) Getting By In America, author Barbara Ehrenreich took low wage, high-exploitation jobs (such as the ones found at Wal-Mart and at various hockey arenas around North America) and tried to live off those wages. You could do something similar; go incognito somewhere and earn a commoner’s wage, one that barely covers the basics, and when the lockout is over, report your findings. Since things did not go well for Ehrenreich, we suggest reading the book before making this selection.
Join the Media
Get an in-depth look at what it takes to make you seem interesting.
Go Magic Mike
You’re young, you’re in good shape. I tell you what, grow your hair out, slap a Band-aid on your face, and go onstage as the Enforcer. The ladies will lose their minds.
Play in the KHL or in Europe
Just kidding! That’s a bad idea. Just ask Doug Gilmour. And anyway, now is hardly the time to be wasting money on electrical socket adapters.