It’s coming on Christmas and they’re cutting down trees and putting up reindeer. So it’s time for the Ottawa Senators to send Santa Claus their Christmas list.
Not that it’s done them much good these past six seasons. The miserly old elf has behaved more like the Grinch leaving the team feeling like Whoville’s little Cindy-Lou Who, who mistook the Grinch for Santa, famously asked, “Santy Claus – why, why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?”
Even so, the team is hoping they avoided Kris Kringle’s Naughty List this year and that they’ll find what they want under their tree. Let’s take a look at what the 2023-24 Senators may be asking for.
The Stanley Cup
Look, the Sens and their fans may as well ask for it. All the fat man in red can say is no. Besides, Hell could freeze over if it’s a cold one in Ottawa this year!
Even so, for the record, BetMGM puts the odds of a Stanley Cup parade down Elgin Street next spring at +4000. Dismal, but for Senators fans, for just a buck, they could walk away with $4,000 if the Senators pull a Miracle on 34th Street and win Lord Stanley’s mug. That’s more than enough for them to buy a Canada Goose parka to wear around in an ice-cold Hades because of their wicked gambling habits.
Shane Pinto – take special note. You can’t go anywhere near BetMGM, even if it is Christmas.
A Playoff Run
If a Stanley Cup isn’t something Santa Claus can get down the Senators’ chimney, then maybe a playoff run next spring could be. Still, that’s a long shot.
To clinch a spot in the postseason, the Senators will likely need 105 points this season. That means from now on they’ll need a points percentage (PTS%) of about .690. To put that into perspective, in the 2022-23 season, only two of the teams who guaranteed themselves a playoff spot based on regular season play racked up a PTS% of .690 or more. They were the Boston Bruins and the Carolina Hurricanes. The Senators are the likes of neither.
To take a wild card spot, Ottawa would probably need at least 95 points, meaning they’ll need to notch a PTS% of .608 from here on in. Last season only 12 of the NHL’s 32 teams played at that level or better and to this point this season, the Senators are not even in the top half of the NHL’s latest power rankings.
The Faint Hope of a Playoff Run
Okay, if neither the Stanley Cup nor making the playoffs this season is possible, then the Senators and their fans would be okay with at least the faint hope of a playoff run. That would warm Senators fans’ frozen hearts during the depths of a cruel Ottawa winter in February and March.
After all, the Florida Panthers made it into the 2023 Playoffs on the last day of the regular season by just one point. It could happen in Ottawa too – couldn’t it? I mean, Ottawa can’t be that high on Santa’s list of naughty teams, can it?
Oh please Santa, please!
A Right-Shot Defenceman
The Senators would love a right-shot defenceman to play with Thomas Chabot. It’s not that Chabot can’t play on the left-hand side, it’s just that many believe the Senators could get much more from him if they could find him a right-shot partner.
Related: Senators Should Have These Three Defencemen as Trade Targets
I’m not sure even Santa could deliver on that. Firstly, there just aren’t that many defencemen on the market these days. The Toronto Maple Leafs have been struggling mightily to find one and struck out on Nikita Zadorov when the Calgary Flames wanted to trade him last month. They don’t appear to be having any luck convincing the Flames’ Chris Tanev to make the trek back east to Toronto either.
Tanev comes up as a potential acquisition for Ottawa’s blue line often. As a right-shot, many believe he’d pair nicely with Chabot, but he has downsides. At 33-years-old he’s getting a little long in the tooth. Not only that, but he’s on an expiring contract.
Another reason for the Senators to think carefully about putting him on their Christmas list is that he’d cost a lot. His current contract with the Flames features an average annual value (AAV) of $4.5 million and the Senators don’t have that kind of cap space.
For now, it may be better to try to solve the problem internally and then wait until next season when it is expected more cap space will be available to make an acquisition.
Elimination of the Second Period in NHL Games
It would be a godsend for the Senators if the league eliminated the second period. Maybe hockey games could be broken up into halves or quarters like soccer or football.
Why do the Senators wish for that? Because their goals-against (GA) record in the second period so far this season is one of the worst in the league. It’s so bad that it makes Billy Bob Thornton in the movie Bad Santa look like a saint.
As of their game against the Detroit Red Wings on Dec. 9, the Senators have allowed 35 goals during the second frame. That compares to 17 and 19 of them in the first and third stanzas respectively.
A New Arena in Downtown Bytown for the Senators
An actual NHL-sized rink is going to be a little tough for Rudolph and the team to pull from the North Pole. So a cool $1 billion in cash from one or all three levels of government in Ottawa for the Sens to build a new one in downtown Ottawa would be just fine! That’s the suggested retail price for a new NHL arena these days.
Even so, not even Santa Claus could make the case that moving the team from Kanata to a more central location in the city makes any business sense. At least not unless somebody other than Senators owner Michael Andlauer and his partners pay for it all.
Related: Senators Move to Downtown Ottawa Doesn’t Make Business Sense
It’s more likely that the Senators will win a Stanley Cup (or that Hell freezes over) before either the City of Ottawa, the Province of Ontario or the Canadian government, or all three together, front the cash for a new rink. They’re all broke and the electorate is not likely to look too kindly on their governments subsidizing billionaires to build new rinks where multi-millionaire hockey players can shoot pucks around.
Still, fans of the Senators – at least those who don’t live in Kanata – can dream.
A New Coach
If social media is any guide, all the team and its fans really want for Christmas is to see head coach D.J. Smith fired. Then a new coach will be hired and he’ll fix everything that’s wrong with the team. There would be nothing left to do but sit back and enjoy a few egg nogs – heavy on the rum please!
Related: Senators Firing D.J. Smith Won’t Solve Team’s Problems
That’s not likely to happen this Christmas. And that will be a relief for Smith. All he really wants is for the fans who sit in Section 323 at Canadian Tire Centre (CTC) to stop chanting “Fire DJ”. Or failing that, a nice cushy coaching job somewhere in the American deep south where nobody cares about hockey, much less knows what good hockey looks like.
Maple Leafs Fans Banned From Canadian Tire Centre
Nothing is more nauseating for the Senators and their fans than listening to thousands of crazed Maple Leafs fans in CTC chanting “Go Leafs Go”. Making it unbearable is having to do that when they beat the Senators.
A ban on Hogtown fans even visiting Ottawa would be wonderful. Failing that, a new City of Ottawa bylaw banning the wearing of that blue rag Toronto fans pass off as a jersey would do.
50 Goals for Brady Tkachuk
Now that’s something Santa should be able to put under the tree this year! At this point, the big captain is on track for 48 goals. That would be a personal best.
Even so, somewhere deep down in Santa’s sack, there has to be two more goals to get him to the magic 50. His teammates just need to fire more pucks on net for him to shovel past sprawling opposing goaltenders.
100 Points for Tim Stutzle
The young German may well find a gift card under his Tannenbaum for 100 points this season. He has marked up the score sheet for 26 of them after 22 games so far this year and at that rate, he is on track for 97. Surely there are three more lying around Santa’s workshop.
A Speedy Recovery for Thomas Chabot
Where injuries are concerned, if Chabot didn’t have bad luck he wouldn’t have any luck at all. He’s probably out of commission until early January with a lower-body injury he sustained on Dec. 2 in a game against the Seattle Kraken. He had just returned to action in that game after missing 10 previous games due to a broken hand.
Good Health
It’s not just Chabot’s injuries that have held back the Senators this season. Ridly Greig just got back into the lineup on Dec. 5 after being injured on Nov. 2 in a game against the Los Angeles Kings. He adds a nasty streak to the Senators’ game that was badly missed in the last month.
Mark Kastelic sustained a high ankle sprain in the same game and that has hurt the potency of the Senators’ fourth line. He is expected back soon. Dominik Kublaik also missed a few games earlier this season further hindering the team’s bottom-six.
Both Artem Zub and Erik Brannstrom have missed several games due to injuries and that didn’t help a struggling Ottawa defence.
Sadly, there’s not much that even Santa Claus can do about injuries. They’re part of what every NHL team must endure on the long road to the postseason.
Senators Fans Are On Their Best Behaviour
Santa Claus is coming to town in just over two weeks and Sens fans had better watch out and better not cry – especially not “Fire DJ”. Not if they want something besides lumps of coal in their stockings. And they should be sure to leave some milk and cookies out for Old St. Nick – although I’m told he often appreciates a little schnapps to help ward off the cold.
If you listen closely on Christmas Eve to the night sky, you may even hear him say, “To all Sens fans a Merry Christmas and to all of them a good playoff season!”